I've had the idea for this post rolling around in my head for quite a while, I just haven't had the courage to actually write it. It started out as a conversation with some friends, where peole were talking about someone being "two-faced". This whole idea really intrigued me, as I'm not sure what it really means. Yes, I understand the concept of having two faces. I get that. But reallly, who can honestly say that they do not have at least two different faces? Show me a person with only one face and I'll point out that you're talking about a patient on a coma ward.
I'm not trying to put anyone down here. I'm just being honest. It fascinates me to hear people say things like "I'm the same way here that I am there!" To that I say "Yeah. Right. And pigs just flew out of my ..." Well, you get the picture.'
I think it's part of human nature to be multi-faced. It's a survival instinct, in many cases. Not long after I started this blog, I had a post that talked about all of the things that I am. You can read about it here. http://deeceetalks.blogspot.com/2006/05/all-about-me_10.html (Sorry, I'd love to do the little link thing, but for some reason, Blogger doesn't give me that option anymore since I started using Safari.) In that post, I talk about the different roles that I have in my life, as a mom, a wife, a reader, a writer, and all sorts of other "faces" that I have. I guess that post might have really been the beginning of this one.
Anyhow, it's been on my mind so often lately, that I just decided to talk about it here. Plus, the idea of separating the different parts of my life keeps popping up, so again, on my mind. As a matter of fact, it's been on my mind so much, for so long, that the idea has actually worked it's way into my WIP. In the beach story, the main character deals with this unintentionally. She has 3 friends that are all main parts of her life, but very different, very distinct parts, and they've never intersected. When they all come together, she realizes the different roles she plays to each of these people. She fulfills a different function to each of them, almost becoming a different person, without even realizing she's doing it. They even call her different variations of her name. I thought it was pretty cool.
Then I started thinking about my own life. That whole "Life imitates art" thing? Totally me. But in reverse. Because that's how it is at my house. My husband, he calls me one name. My kids they call me mom. My friends call me a variation of my birth name, dpending on when they came into my life, and what I was calling myself at the time. My writing friends call me something else. Church friends call me "Mrs.", and work friends use my given name, or a nickname. I've got quite a few nicknames, and I'll answer to just about any variation of my given or middle name.
Why? Do I think that I need to keep all of these different parts of my life distinct? Do I not want them to intersect? I think it goes deeper than that. When I'm at home with my kids, Mom is the only name I recognize. At work, my name is on my uniform, and "Mom" is just not me. With writing friends, I love the freedom of "dee"; it's short, to the point, basic, but still fun, and that's how I want to be with those people.
My character in my book has a major ah-ha moment when she realizes what she's been doing, and how hurtful it is to her, because she really caters to each of these people and has molded herself into the person that they expect her to be, instead of staying true to herself. In the end, there is a scene where she tells them what her name is, and explains that this is the only thing she wants to be called anymore. She effectively puts a stop to having to be so many people to so many people.
That is NOT a case of "art imitates life" though. Because, unlike my character, I have a pretty firm grasp on who I am. While my name may sometimes change depending on my location or crowd, my basic being remains the same. Yes, I am more forceful when in my Mommy personna, and more affectionate when in Wife mode. But basically, I've got just one face.
It just depends on what name you use for me as to what my particuilar expression might be, that's all.
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4 comments:
Good post, Dee. I remember that you and RSS and I had this same conversation once.
I'm trying to think if there's a name for this. I know when you change the way you speak based on who you're with (ex: professional at work, slang with friends, etc.) it's called code-switching. It explains that just because someone CHOOSES to use certain words that may be considered lower class or uneducated to fit in with a group, it doesn't mean that they are. Your big vocabulary might just alienate your old friends, so you choose not to use it.
Similar kind of thing, I think. You can choose to behave differently around different people, But that doesn't necessarily change who you are. Now, some people (like your character and a lot of young people) get so caught up in their new or situational behaviors that they forget who they really are, but I guess it's still there, just needs to be rediscovered.
Hmmm . .. I may have had a point and lost it somewhere. That's what you get for making me think. ;)
Hello dee!
I miss you. I wish I could go to the States and see you again. Take care - and try to find some space for yourself.
Hugs,
Yvonne
www.fjellvang.no/quilt
Dee, actually you CAN do the "blog this" thing in Safari. Just add a bookmark called "Blog This!" with the url: javascript:popw='';Q='';x=document;y=window;if(x.selection)%20{Q=x.selection.createRange().text;}%20else%20if%20(y.getSelection)%20{Q=y.getSelection();}%20else%20if%20(x.getSelection)%20{Q=x.getSelection();}popw%20=%20y.open('http://www.blogger.com/blog_this.pyra?t='%20+%20escape(Q)%20+%20'&u='%20+%20escape(location.href)%20+%20'&n='%20+%20escape(document.title),'bloggerForm','scrollbars=no,width=475,height=300,top=175,left=75,status=yes,resizable=yes');if%20(!document.all)%20T%20=%20setTimeout('popw.focus()',50);void(0);
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