Body of Friends

I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately - what it means to be a friend, what is acceptable from a friend, what is forgivable, why we need friends. I gotta tell ya, some of it just baffles me. But I'm just going to let my mind wander with this and see where it goes.

I didn't have many real friends growing up. When you change schools 26 times in 12 years, it tends to prohibit the kind of lifelong relationships that you read about in Oprah books. It did not, however, stop me from making many 'skin' friends.

Skin friends are fun. They are easy to deal with. Everything is light and fluffy with them. They are good for laughs, trips to the mall, out for lunch, drinks after work, that sort of thing. You keep the information general, and the feelings very uninvolved. You probably have quite a few of those, don't you? Lord knows I've made my fair share through the years.

But you can't live with just skin friends if you're a mom. Or a wife. Or a real person, evidently. You have to go a step further. For that, you need a layered friend. These are the ones that can do everything a skin friend will do, but they might also come hang out with you if you don't feel like hitting the club. They might even stay after a party to help you clean up. They're really great to have in abundance, but I'm not lucky enough to have too many at once.

Next, there are tissue friends. These are the ones that will hold you when you cry, come over when you're sick, slit the tires on your cheating boyfriends car. These people are the ones that hand you the tissues, or even help you wipe the tears from your face. It takes a while to make a friend like this. But once you have one, you know she'll be around for quite a while.

You might just be lucky enough to have a blood friend. If so, she's probably either helped you deliver a baby or dig a hole for a dead body. Either way, she knows your secrets, and you know those secrets are safe with her.

Then there is the friend of the heart. You probably will only have one of these at a time, because really you don't need more than one. Plus, having more than one person that is that intimate with your life is a little bit scary. These friends know all there is to know, from where the bodies are buried to how good your last kiss was, and everything in between. This is the person that you tell about that really nice man in line at the grocery store who gave you "the eye" and she won't judge you, even though she adores your husband, because she knows how much you needed that ego boost from a stranger. She doesn't care if you call her at 2am and cry that you're fat, even if you happen to be eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's at the time. She won't chastise you for that slip-up you had eight years ago on the crazy mommy weekend to the coast. She's the one you call when your dog bites the neighbors kid (poor baby), or your Grams dies (needed hugs), or your kid has lice, or your rent check bounces. She's also the one that is the most LOW MAINTENANCE of all of your friends, because she accepts you just as you are, with all of your flaws and split ends, with a runny nose or ripped jeans, no makeup, hungover, or still slightly tipsy. It doesn't matter to her, because you are you, and she's ok with that. You may talk to her every single day, but that isn't necessary. You might only talk to her once a year, but you know that when you speak again, it will be just like the last time. She can still finish your sentences. She can still read your thoughts. She still remembers why you obsess over that man (chocolate chip cookies?), or love that restaurant (blue corn tortillas), or will always smile when you hear that song (by the Cranberries).

I am blessed to have all sorts of friends now. I've got skin friends, too many to count. I've also got quite a few layered friends - I couldn't make it through the day without them. As for blood friends and heart friends, frankly, I don't know what I'd do without people like Kristan and Kelly in my life. As friends go, one is old (she baked a cake for Gret's 2nd birthday, so she's been with me a while!) and the other is new (if you consider 3 years new, which I do when you are talking about the level of friendship that we already have). But both are tried and true.

Do you have people that comprise your body of friends? Have you told them lately how much they mean to you? Take it from me - saying that they are important to you really makes a difference. When you don't hear that, it's SO easy to feel taken advantage of.

So go ahead. Say the words. Tell them that you love them. Thank them for being part of your life. You'll feel better about it after the words are out, trust me.

And besides, you may need them to help you hide a body tomorrow!