When is enough really enough? (Death of a "friendship")

Have you ever had a friend that was a TAKER? I don't mean someone that is going through a rough patch, someone that is sick, or broke, or down on their luck. I mean someone that just TAKES from you, over and over. Someone that empties your friendship bank time and again and does little, if anything, to refill it?

How long do you stay in that relationship before enough is enough?

I know I've had friends that have had boyfriends like that. You know the type? The guy that wants everything his way, all the time. The guy that insists on having his cake and eating it too. Heck, I've had boyfriends like that. I took the advice of my friends, and give the same advice to my friends - get rid of the bum. You (or I) am worth WAY more than the leftover scraps of affection that those guys occasionally toss our way.

So if I know that advice, and often give that advice, why do the rules change when it's a woman that treats you like crap? Is there some unwritten rule that we're supposed to accept that type of treatment from our friends, even though we'd ditch a guy that treated us the same way?

If a guy made plans with you, and then canceled those plans, you'd be upset. You'd probably forgive him though, the first time, wouldn't you? Would you tell your friend to forgive her guy? What if he canceled plans twice? Or three times? What if it seemed like every time you made plans to do something with the man you love, he forgot, or was sick, or was too busy, or something better came up, or he made other plans? How many times would you accept that from a man before you started to feel like he wasn't really invested in the relationship? Before you started feeling like he didn't care nearly as much as you? Before you told your friend in that same situation to ditch the bum, cut her losses, and just move on? Would once, four times, nine times, be enough?

I'm guessing you'd counsel her to move on before a year went by, wouldn't you? Would you be able to move on yourself?

But if it wasn't a guy that did that to you, but instead was someone that called herself one of your best friends - how long then?

How many times do you think you could hear "Oh honey, I'm sorry, I just forgot that we made plans" , or "Sweetie, I know I promised you months ago that we'd do this, but that was months ago, and I just didn't remember it today", or "I know we are supposed to go away for the weekend, but Susie Q couldn't get away that weekend, so I changed it. I'm sorry that it happens to be on the only weekend you told me that you couldn't make it, but I really want Susie Q to go with us too, ok?", or "I'm sorry, I just don't feel well enough to do this thing that I told you I'd do. I'm just going to stay home instead. But you can still come over. I asked Susie Q to come over too. It'll be fun, I promise", or "I can't believe you're upset that I made other plans on that day, even though I know I said I'd do that with you months ago, because the plans that I made are so much bigger and better than what we were supposed to do. How dare you be mad at me for that!"

How long do you listen to those excuses before you say "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!"?

We're practically conditioned to accept crap from guys. From birth, we're brought up to be 'good girls', to do things that will make our men happy, to fulfill a role that was predetermined for us due to our lack of male parts. If we're lucky though, we find enough worth in ourselves, hopefully before we marry the wrong man, to realize that we don't have to take the crap forever. If we're really lucky, we find a friend or two that reminds us, sometimes over and over, that we are better than the jerk deserves, and we deserve more than scraps of affection.

But with our friends? Why does nobody step in with the women in our lives? Why are we supposed to just take it and take it, suck it up and pretend that it doesn't matter, that it doesn't hurt, that everything is ok?

Why do we take crap from our friends, the people that are supposed to have our very best interests at heart, the women that are supposed to help us make it in this world? We take it and take it, until we feel like we deserve nothing more. Until we believe that maybe all we're worth is leftover thoughts and affection and little tiny scraps of time.

I killed a friendship this weekend.

I'd probably feel really bad about that if I didn't feel so darned FREE. I mean, I've accepted scraps for so long. I've listened to the excuses, the never-ending litany of hastily blurted out reasons why plans were changed or canceled or forgotten. I've bent over backwards, so far back that I've almost broken a few times, for a person that couldn't be bothered to write plans down on a calendar, or check dates, or remember things. For a person that rarely returns phone calls, or e-mails. That puts her other friends ahead of me on a regular basis. I slept in this woman's house for days on end when her husband was out of town because she couldn't sleep well when he was away, even though my own family wanted me home. I sat with her when she cried, I arranged airline flights for a death in the family, I've watched kids at a moments notice, I held her when she was scared.

She's moved on with her life, found new friends, had some things go her way. I've rejoiced in her wins. But man, it's tough to always be on the outside. To be called only when there is a need. To not be invited to family events, and told that it was just a small thing, only her new friends were invited. To make plans and have them canceled - every single time.

I'd have told one of my girlfriends to ditch a guy that treated her this way YEARS ago. I've ditched guys for much less. But I stayed friends with this woman, and let her suck me dry, until I felt so worthless that it disgusts me to realize it.

Why?

Not anymore. I'm worth more than that.

And so are you. So if you've got a TAKER in your life, a friend that tosses those scraps at you, take a really long hard look at what you're getting out of the relationship. Do the boyfriend test. Ask yourself "If my best friend's guy treated her this way, what would I tell her to do?" And if the answer is "I'd tell her to ditch the bum!" then take your own advice. Get rid of the TAKER.

Take you life back.

The heartache that you feel over the loss of the supposed friendship is nothing compared to the relief you will feel when that person is no longer a part of your life.