Thursday, September 10, 2009

One Moment

Ok, check it out. Another journal entry for those of you that keep showing up here every day. Maybe you weren't quite expecting this after some of the rest that you've read? And PLEASE don't forget to leave me a comment. Tell me what you think!!! (I know some of you are sneaking in, thinking I don't notice. Oh, but I do. I DO notice. And I just want to hear what you have to say...)

Someone recently asked me "If there was one thing you could do over again, one decision that you were allowed to make differently, one thing you could go back and change in your life, what would it be?"

I took a moment to pause and actually consider my answer.

There have been many things, many decisions, many moments, that have defined me. I can look back at my life and see many times where I could have chosen a different path, and that would have drastically changed my life. Some of those changes would have been for the better. Some would not have been so good.

But one? Just one moment?

Would I change the first time I said "I do"? Oh, that would have been an interesting one to undo. If I hadn't made that pledge, I would have saved myself years of heartache, broken bones, tragedy. That would be a good thing to change.

Would I change giving my whole heart away without getting anything in return? If I had only held onto my heart, I might have stayed whole. It would have saved me years of questioning myself, my choices, my very sanity.

Would I change letting myself love again? If I had only held back, kept those feelings from coming to fruition, it would have kept me safe. I would be lonely still, but my heart would never again have the chance to shatter.

Would I change a word I said or a deed I did? There are many that I've second guessed over the years - lies I've told that have come back to haunt me, people I've hurt that didn't deserve that pain.

Any of those would perhaps be a good start. If I could, I might consider making one of those changes.

But the change I'd like most to make if I could?

Really, that didn't take long at all for me to decide, though I never said it aloud to my friend. If I could have but one chance to do one thing a little bit different than I did it the first time, do you know what I'd do?

I'd bury that body a little bit deeper.


Scope Dope Cherrybomb said...

Heh heh heh heh heh she said with an evil laugh. Sure wasn't expecting that.

jennifer said...

Perfect turn of the story line.
Now we really want to know the what and why of her actions.

dee said...

I can only guess that she had a pretty good reason. I don't think she's BAD. I really don't. I think she's probably not as GOOD as I'd prefer. She's just not fitting into any boxes for me.
You know, those silly "survey" things on FaceBook really helped me nail some of her character. I had to think hard about some of those answers. Very enlightening things.
I have a feeling I'm going to like her more than Glory, and maybe even more than a story that I started back in the spring. This one just came out of nowhere, and it's got me so tight in its grasp that I've been waking up in the middle of the night to scribble down notes.
It's actually FUN to write again. And I'd lost that. For a long time. So I'm just going with this for now. Because I want to remember what it's like to just LOVE to write again.
Thank you both for reading!

rssasrb said...

This is a great hook, Dee. Really great. Maybe you can use it as the first page of the story. Now I'm even more intrigued.

So glad to hear you are finding your love and enjoyment of writing again. Keep going with it. I think you've got a winner.

dee said...

Robin - LOVE IT! I've been trying to figure out where this story begins. I've written chapters that I really like, but they all begin BEFORE this point. But I'm thinking that this would be a great place to start. The rest might be backstory. I might have to kill some of my babies. But dang, now that I think of it, this really is where the action starts in the story. The chapter that follows this journal entry is where the SCHTUFFF begins. So this would be the place to start it, right?