Yeah, that's right! P-U-K-E. That's what I did today. And if you read the Crusie-Mayer blog comments, you know why. If you don't read that blog and the comments, you should. They are totally awesome, and I spend many hours each day over there. I've developed some friendships over there. I care about those people. And I learned today that they care about me also!
As with many Saturdays lately, I spent the day at my computer. Normally, I try to get in a few hours of writing or research on Saturdays, while Shane is home. Let's face it, the kids are just quieter when Daddy is around. They don't get as loud on the weekends, they don't storm the office as often, they don't call my name. Frankly, it is both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing because I can actually spend time at my desk writing, which I LOVE. It's a curse because Shane can't understand why I get so frustrated during the week, when he's not at his desk across the room from mine. The wee ones are just so angelic when he's home, that he hardly believes I don't have hours upon hours of quiet time while he's working. I swear, if he didn't hear them while on the phone with me, he'd probably think I was making up how disruptive they can be!
I joined RWA on a Saturday, because of the CBs. After reading their comments for months, I finally decided that it was time to do it or shut up about it. So a few weeks ago, I made myself actually fill out the application that had been sitting on my desk for literally months. I also faxed it on to RWA that same day. No excuses, I just did it. That was tough, as the dues were $100, and we were really tight then, but I made myself do it anyhow. After all, I can spend a hundred bucks at Wally World and not blink an eye. I should be happy to spend it for an RWA membership. Right?
Today, I signed up for the NJ Conference. And I made my hotel reservations. I got e-mail confirmation for both, and both are already paid for, so I really HAVE to go. This is also really because of the CBs, and I can't say enough about that. Their gentle encouragement was what got me to do it. Plus, I really want to meet ScopeDope and Jen, and see Christina again. After I signed up, I called Kim and told her that she had to go with me, so now I'm totally committed to going to this conference.
That's where the PUKE comes in. That's what I did right after I did my conference registration. I went right to the bathroom and lost my breakfast. I feel like such a huge chicken sometimes! But really, it's a good thing, because I am totally facing my fears. I mean, YES, I got sick to my stomach when I realized I would be in the same hotel with a bunch of REAL writers, but still- I signed up! That's something, right?
So tell me... What makes YOU nervous? What brings the bile right up to the back of your throat? What gets the wings of those butterflies to do double-time? Share your fears, friends. There is so much power in admitting what scares you!! Tell me. Tell me Tell me Tell me.
Oh yeah, and did I mention that I want you to Tell me???
8 comments:
Hi Dee -
So happy you joined RWA and signed up for NJ. Seriously, you can hang with me. I show you the ropes and introduce to everyone I know, and some I don't know.
You want to know what scares me? Making the right decision for my career. It's taken me my whole adult life to figure out what I was meant to be, other than being a wife and mother. I need to write, I am a writer, but this dilemma regarding e-publishing is killing me.
You've got more courage than I, Dee. I still haven't joined RWA and even though Jenny and Bob were here in February I made up excuses why I couldn't go. Then Beth was in Antioch, about an hour and a half drive from here, giving a chat at the local library, and I chickened out again. I hate crowds and I especially hate crowds of people I don't know! So kudos to you for going against your fears and doing what is right for you and your writing. Maybe in another 20 years or so I will be able to do it also! *grin* Plus I just can't afford it--money is VERY tight right now with me on workman's comp and my job being in limbo and all...
You'll do great Dee! I've been a member of the RWA and my local chapter for 5+ years. I am one of the shyest introverts you know, but I feel very comfortable at RWA events.
DO I still get nervous before? Yes. Do I still make sure I'm wearing something that makes me feel good when attending events? Of course. But I have no fear of attending and I know that everyone will treat me nice.
They'll be nice to you too. You'll see. Plus, there will be a ton of cherries wherever you go. Post a note in JCF, HW/SW or whatever and find out who'll be there. Meet up with them early and go to workshops with a buddy if you need to.
Have so much fun!
hugs,
Kim
You asked what scared me... And you asked so many times too, you'd think I would have listened...
Little things- spiders of all kinds (particulary brown recluse and big hairy tarantulas) and flying things that sting: bees, wasps, hornets, etc.
Bigger things: public speaking, having someone draw attention to me/make a fool of me in a crowded room, being forced to play any kind of team sport... Oh! And doctor appointments. I'm terrified of them.
Major serious things: Debt, War, having my personal freedoms taken from me...
That about covers it.
Kim:)
good for you nise, and I hafta let you know that i am starting to feel left out...can't you take 2 friends? Anyway.........what scares me the most right now? What makes me want to throw up?
Losing damian or one of my kids. Or having to explain to the kids what happened to Daddy.
Kel- Do NOT feel left out. I thought about asking yu first, then realized this was in Octover, and remembered that's when Damian will be getting home. There is NO WAY that I would ask you to go away for a weekend right after he gets home. I know that you'd have gone with me, but I also know that you really need to coccoon yourself with him and the kids right after he gets back.
Shari - If *I* can do it, so can you. At the least, join RWA. You can do it online, so you don't even have to see anyone.
CR- Oooh, I love your list. I share almost the exact same fears. I get stage fright so bad that I almost pass out. Still though, I put myself in the position to speak in front of crowds a lot, especially at church. I love the feeling at the end, where it's all over, and everyone is clapping. I also did this with Drama in high school. I mean, I'd get ill before a play, make myself walk out on stage, and end up in love with the audience by the end of it.
Yeah, I'm a weird one, huh?
You know I love ya girl....October ~ pooper, I think that I would have had a blast, but I think that heaven and earth will be moving in OCT. Oh yeah, one thing that always gives me butterflies ~ Damian coming home. I always feel like a little school girl again with her first crush!
Hey there!
I was in drama in high school too. Sang in the choir in both JR. High and HS. I had solo numbers too. But (for me) that's different. Singing and acting is a different persona than just Kim getting up and presenting something, or being asked to stand and introduce myself at a seminar or at school. ::shudder:: Then I have to be me... and I'm much more comfortable being me on the page or in very small groups. :)
Kim:)
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