Degrees of Unacceptability?

I was having a discussion with my charming baby girl this morning. You know the one, that just had a birthday, and is now the year that is too many for her to count on one hand. Yep, that's her.

She asked me why sometimes the police arrest black men that are driving very expensive cars.

Wha-?

Serious. That was her question, and she was not going to allow distractions or subject changes until she had an answer.

In the simplest terms possible, I explained racial profiling. I told her how some people, because they don't know better or are just not very nice, look at someone and make a judgment about that person based on the color of their skin. She didn't get it until I said "What if someone saw you and said 'Now there is a very small little girl, with light brown skin and blonde hair and green eyes. She must be a BRAT!'" That did not sit quite right with her. She decided that racial profiling is VERY BAD. She also decided that it's not very nice at all to make a decision about a person because of the way they are dressed, or the color of their hair, or anything else except for what is INSIDE of a person ("But not inside like the blood and guts, but inside of your heart, Momma").

Smart kid.

About an hour later, however, she threw me for yet another loop. Talking to this kid is sometimes like riding a roller coaster. She spilled her soda and exclaimed "Now I've got crap all over me!" Huh. After a short "Did you really just say 'crap'?" discussion, I had to figure out how to handle this.

With each child, there has come a time when they have uttered some word, some phrase, that I, as the mom, did not feel was totally acceptable. As they age, the degree of acceptability seems to change, at least for me. For instance, if the almost-15 y.o. had said "Crap!" I wouldn't have even blinked. But with the baby, it just doesn't seem quite right to me. Granted, there are still words that I prefer that the older one doesn't say. But I really shy away from having any hard and fast rules, or a strict list, of what words are ok and what words are not.

I think part of this comes from being a writer. I see all words as beautiful, even if I don't particularly care for a certain word or phrase. I really don't like to label a word as "bad", and have it be forbidden. I prefer to explain that a certain word of phrase really shouldn't be used by a small child, that it is an adult word, or that it just doesn't sound very good coming out of such a sweet/small mouth. The only word that is really not allowed is "Can't" as in "I can't do that." Acceptable alternatives are "I'm having a hard time" or "I need help with that" or even "I really don't know how this is possible". But I just don't want them to ever feel like they "can't" do something. That's just me.

I try, very hard, to watch my language in front of my kids. However, a jacka$$ has been known to slip out while driving, and a $h!t has been uttered when I'm late for work. Am I proud of this? No, not really. But neither am I ashamed. I think that the overuse of 'profanity' often gives the impression of a person that has a very limited vocabulary. Think about it. When you meet someone that swears a LOT, what is your initial impression? I've always told my kids that people use those words because they aren't smart enough to know any others. But that's not always true, is it? I have a writer friend that loves the f-bomb. I know lots of people that use 'swear words' in regular conversations all the time. Hey, I was in the Navy for 10 years. They don't have that saying "Curse like a sailor" for nothin'. And yes, I can curse with the best of them.

I'm wondering though, if any of you have different degrees of acceptability when it comes to these words. I seem to have about three levels. Level one includes words like shoot and heck. Level two has things like crap, and even damn and hell. Level three is for the other ones, like $h!t and f**k. Then there is the group of "I really want to swear right now, but realize that this is an unacceptable situation, so I'll use something else instead" phrases. I happen to LOVE to say "Sunny beaches!" and "Fudge Ripple Ice Cream!" and even "Shiitake Mushrooms!" or "Damage control!"

So share. Are there degrees of acceptable words? Do you draw the line at "heck"? And what are some of YOUR "other" words or phrases?